On Starting Over (Sort Of)

9:15 PM


The last time I wrote here, I was telling you all about this fantastic opportunity for me in this big Telco company and how I was so giddy and excited for the rest of my life. 3 months later did I only find time to write about it. I actually pushed myself to start writing here because I needed something to keep me sane. This is an attempt of sorts.


Well first, my domain expired and someone took a hold of it so now I'm back to being tinrementilla.blogspot - which sucks because everything linking to my blog malfunctioned and my disqus went crazy so now I'm using a new comment box and all the comments from my blog posts disappeared. Oh well, can't let a comment box bring me down! (but it did bring me down so lol)

Also, work is really really hard. I'm not going to go into details but I feel like I should've gone to med school or something. There's really something about Marketing that's so indefinite (for lack of a better term).

To tell you the truth, I have not seen my friends in a long time. I work on weekends and I usually end up sleeping until Monday. There's also this being a full time mom to my brothers thing which usually takes up most of my free time (and I do not regret it one bit because I love my brothers to bits), and when I do have extra time, I go home to the province to visit my sick grandma whose Alzheimer's is getting really bad.

Life really isn't easy these days. I always tell myself that there's really nothing in this life that I can't handle and I should be able to survive everything. Of course, there will be days where life really gets to me and I end up just sort of giving up (but then I realize that I really can't give up because people are depending on me).

People are always asking me why I'm such in a hurry to grow up. Well first, it's not like I have a choice. If I had the choice, I would rather be this interesting person who travels (thanks to mommy and daddy's money) to Timbuktu and ends up being friends with people all over the world, BUT I do not have that luxury. I have been worrying about where to get money since I was 12. I would work part time jobs during college just to have extra money for things we couldn't afford.

I never stopped working. I was too afraid to rest or pause my life. I got addicted to getting promoted or to getting a higher salary. I was afraid that if I even thought about resting that everything would crash and the promotion will be given to the person who didn't sleep. I got addicted to the idea of getting the ideal life that I've always wanted and I thought that if I continued to work, I would eventually get there. In a sick, twisted way, I can't stop working because I wanted to be 40 and get the comfortable life of a Marketing Executive. I can't wait to not be 23 anymore so I can be 40 and finally get to rest.

So why am I writing here again? I don't really know. I sort of want a redo of my life and I hope this post is the kickoff. I guess I want to remind myself that I am 23 and that I deserve a break every now and then --- and that I should stop worrying about the rest of my life. I deserve to watch movies and read books and play video games when there's time to spare.

So there. Let's start over, self.

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