Dec 30, 2013

A dear friend, Claren Torres, left us last August. No one saw it coming. He was so young and talented and charming. We loved him so much and up to now, we are still in disbelief. I miss his presence but I will ultimately miss the stories we could've had if he was still with us.

I would like to hear the story of Claren getting drunk with us at Ad Cong 2014 and how he danced to the newest Britney single. I'm sure that would have been loads of fun. I will miss having stories with Claren in it because I know he would've made our own stories better.

You can say that 2013 was the year I discovered how finite everything was. How death is just around the corner, waiting for any one of my family, friends, or me. Honestly, I sometimes have problem sleeping because I can't stop worrying about the looming end. I know I shouldn't because it's useless to worry about something you can't control. Well that's me, overthinking everything.

I obviously can't do anything about life ending soon for me and for everyone so better make the most out of it. I will just lose sleep and be filled with anxiety. Life is too short and sweet to live in fear.

With that, my 2014 resolution would be to have/make more stories about how life was fantastic. I will end each year with a bucket full of the greatest stories with family, with friends, and even random strangers. Stories filled with crazy dancing and laughter. Stories about old and new friends. Stories about the good and the bad of lucks. Travel will also be a priority. I want to travel and meet people and get to know them and hear their stories.

I want to be able to say that I truly have lived my life (no matter how corny it sounds). I want to appreciate everyone and tell them about it. I want to be able to make a mark in people's lives, even if it's just a very small dent. I will not let a minute go to waste. I will be crazy but I will be happy.

We're all just passing through. Better make it a trip that's one for the books. :)

Of Passing Through
3:48 AM

Of Passing Through

Dec 26, 2013

Last Christmas, I got to spend time with my grandmother who is already at the 6th stage of Alzheimer's. It was very painful to watch her deteriorate from this very wonderful woman who took care of me in lieu of my mother (who was MIA for quite some time due to giving birth to me at a very young age) to this person who I think is my grandmother. This almost unrecognizable, somehow violent woman.

I've always thought of Alzheimer's as a concept so foreign - existing only in the world of Meredith Grey. Little did I know that it has been living so comfortably in our genes, ready to pounce upon triggered. I may have it. My mom may have it. Even my brothers are not safe.

This disease, apparently, is the worst. Aside from having no existing cure, it is also a disease that's infamous for inflicting pain unto the patient's family as the patient will unknowingly hurt his/her loved ones (verbally and physically), and of course, the burden of going through each stage of the disease until the patient is no more. 

I have to admit, I can't stand talking to my grandmother. It may make me a bad person but I really am having a hard time talking to an almost empty shell from someone who was once so warm and loving - showering me with Avon products and Pasaload. Nowadays, the person who used to be my grandmother stares at me with vacant eyes as she tries to recognize who the hell I am.

Now, all I have of her are memories of the woman that she once was. I will always remember her as the woman who used to be my grandma, taking me to salon trips here and there. She was the one who got me my first pedicure and she was the one who taught me how to put on lipstick. She was responsible for my ear piercings because she never got one and somehow wanted to live vicariously through my ears and I. Summer was spent at her house in Nueva Ecija where she bought me my first copy of Precious Hearts Romance - the first novel I read from cover to cover at 6 years old. These memories of her will live with me even when the woman who used to be grandma is far gone. 

Last Christmas, the woman who used to be grandma looked at me and said, "Ang ganda mo naman". I laughed and said "Mana po sa inyo, lola mame!" She looked confused and went back to watching Cinema One while I sit beside her, holding her hand.
The Woman Who Used to be Grandma
5:18 PM

The Woman Who Used to be Grandma

Dec 22, 2013

Also known as stuff I will probably end up buying for myself. My 24th birthday is on January 1 btw and I think I deserve some pretty nifty stuff given the year that was. Also, I'm turning 24! How old of me! Ahhhhhhh!

1. Happy Skin Cosmetics

I am on a make-up ban as I still have a shit ton of make-up I haven't used so maybe this will have to wait but you really need to keep me far, far away from Beauty Bar because Happy Skin is just sooooo irresistible! Plus, did you know that Happy Skin is a local brand? Super awesome.

The best person ever, Maggie, already gave me "My First Time" yesterday as a gift and I could not be any happier. I want to collect them all in every freaking color! It doesn't hurt that they're so affordable too. 499 for a lippie is not bad at all! 

My Christmas/Birthday Wishlist
2:25 PM

My Christmas/Birthday Wishlist