Aug 15, 2014

Went poem hunting yesterday and found this. I am nowhere near heartbroken but this was so beautifully written that I just had to share. 

I almost miss the sound of your voice, but know that the rain
outside my window will suffice for tonight.

I’m not drunk yet, but we haven’t spoken in months now
and I wanted to tell you that someone threw a bouquet of roses
in the trash bin on the corner of my street, and I wanted to cry
because, because —
you know exactly why.

And, I guess I’m calling because only you understand
how that would break my heart.

I’m running out of things to say. My gas is running on empty.
I’ve stopped stealing pages out of poetry books, but last week I pocketed a thesaurus
and looked for synonyms for you but could only find rain and more rain
and a thunderstorm that sounded like glass, like crystal, like an orchestra.

I wanted to tell you that I’m not afraid of being moved anymore;
Not afraid of this heart packing up its things and flying transcontinental
with only a wool coat and a pocket with a folded-up address inside.

I’ve saved up enough money to disappear.
I know you never thought the day would come.

Do you remember when we said goodbye and promised that
it was only for then? It’s been years since I last saw you, years
since we last have spoken.

Sometimes, it gets quiet enough that I can hear the cicadas rubbing their thighs
against each other’s.

I’ve forgotten almost everything about you already, except that
your skin was soft, like the belly of a peach, and
how you would laugh,
making fun of me for the way I pronounced almonds
like I was falling in love
with language.

Poem Of The Day: “If I Left You A Voicemail, This Would Be It” by Shinji Moon
2:06 PM

Poem Of The Day: “If I Left You A Voicemail, This Would Be It” by Shinji Moon

Aug 13, 2014

A poem I wrote in 2012. It seems so fitting for this morose month of August. 

People die and,
It will never be okay.
No matter what you,
Tell yourself,
At the door,
While in bed,
While on the bus,
While you cry,
During shower,
It will never be okay.
People die,
And people will tell you that
It’s gonna be okay.
But it won’t.
You will keep finding
Excuses, and you
Make believe their existence.
You keep them alive
With music and photographs,
And stories.
You laugh while you,
Remember the times,
That were good.
And then you realize that,
It will never ever be okay.
Because they’re gone,
And you’re here.
And you are not okay.
And You
4:00 PM

And You

Aug 11, 2014

I told myself I'd blog more. So... (in my best Kel voice) here goes!

I bought two books from Good Books last week which I got yesterday.

If you have money to spare for books, please please please buy from their website. 100% of the profit goes to a good cause. Also, if you are willing to part with some of your books (still for a good cause), Good Books accepts donations!

I was also invited by KB to join Book Bed -  a reading community based in the Philippines. I'm newly part of the Editorial team and I'm quite excited to write something about, what else, Young Adult books! Hope I get to write something soon.

Currently Reading: I am actually reading a lot of books and I can't seem to finish them because I am always so busy sleeping living! I hope to finish the following books before this week ends.

So far, my favorite is Generation X. Hope to provide a decent book review once I'm done. The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P is proving to be quite a struggle to read because the protagonist is such an asshole. Of course I have my YA fix in the form of Sloppy Firsts and The Probability of Miracles (which is about cancer, what's new). Kluge is the only non-fictional book I'm reading right now and it is also a struggle. I hope my brain can stomach decent books once again because it is so hard to transition when you're stuck in a YA limbo. 

 Ever since I got a hold of John Green's Looking For Alaska, my attention span for non-YA books is that of a 13 year old teenage girl. I am definitely not proud of this but I don't see it stopping me from consuming more Rainbow Rowell in the future. Sorry self! I promise to go out of this comfort zone and read a book or two that's not about cancer, hormonal teenagers, or manix pixie dream girls. For the mean time, let me daydream about getting lost in a world where convertibles are cool. 

Currently listening: This amazing Spotify playlist based on my most favorite Rainbow Rowell book - Attachments.

And that's about it! Are you in a YA limbo also? Tell me about it and let's share the pain together.

Currently: Books and the YA Limbo
5:01 PM

Currently: Books and the YA Limbo

Aug 1, 2014

You don’t pass or fail at being a person, dear.
—  Gaiman, Neil. The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

2014, so far, has been the year of the not-so-comfort zone. It started with a bang (literally) on my 24th birthday on the eve of December 31. I was at Future with my bestfriends while we watched the fireworks consume the Cubao sky. This may just be my imagination but the moment the clock struck 12, I knew 2014 was the year of something else. And boy, that something else really was something else.

I'm not gonna go into details as to what happened starting that day up until the 1st day of August. All I can say is that I made a lot of decisions, some of which I love, some I do regret, but the most important part for me is that those decisions, good or bad, were mine to make.

It really was a whirlwind of a ride, this year. I fell down so many times (still, some literally) because I once again thought I was superhuman and could handle everything on my own. I would find myself staring at random spaces because I was either too tired or too confused to function. I really felt like the world, with its humongous weight and all, was on my shoulders.

I questioned myself a lot of times for the past couple of months. Was I a good person? Or was I just pretending to be this good person when in reality, I am evil? Am I really evil? If I was a good person, why am I making so many bad judgments and why am I getting enemies here and there? Are my principles really supposed to be like this or should I just pretend that everything's okay even if it's against everything I believe in? Basically, my head got crazy and I would have trouble sleeping.

I tried to find the answers to my questions but I failed miserably. Let's face it, no one can figure out anything in this lifetime. We're all just surviving.

I finally understood the phrase -- you can't please everyone. At the end of the day, what's important is that you made decisions you can live and die with. Those decisions you regret, you learn from them. Making mistakes doesn't make you any less of a person. To some extent, it makes you more of a person.

One good deed doesn't make you a good person. 2 wrong deeds don't make you bad. The concept of being a good or bad person is just too complicated. At the end of it all, we just have to be someone we know we truly are, not some person with a good or bad deed labeled on his/her forehead.

How to be a person in this lifetime? Don't ask me. How to be yourself? That's easy.

How To Be A Person
12:41 PM

How To Be A Person